Svaha

I felt my efforts yielded no results, my kindness went unrewarded, I am a good person but didn't live a good life, I lived but felt no happiness, and even felt powerless to change anything, In what seemed like an unsolvable predicament, I find the strength to break through despair and end the futile efforts. I realized that the power that transforms ME, to stop deceiving myself and living in a relationship of pretense and internal conflict, comes not from external forces, but from the "courage to refuse to compromise" deep within my heart. The power is in ME, I learned that no one but myself to accept the unable and simply just leave the circumstance and live my own life. It is so easy, why I took so much time waste my energy and time struggling with it? He is not willing to change his attitude to stop Myriam but rather enjoys such vanity of being admired.  Myriam aims to hurt me through such a manipulation trick, he is so weak but loves to being admired even knew it is f...

 He finally took me to York University, his school where he made his own choices.  But I can tell he was not himself at all, not only absent minded, but deeper “ doesn’t matter “, isolated from me with his body language.  He acted a way like extremely immature: all is bad.  His main issue I can tell is desperate to get validation from others, whoever. Even those who made money off him! I never heard of anyone who delivered $ eagerly to the people who made $ off him! And they became giants of blood suckers.  I love him so much but he didn’t know why, and didn’t cherish me at all. He certainly is a good man, pure soul and kind hearted. He was lucky enough that he had no much experience with big bad guys in schools and workplaces. He didn’t know how complicated and calculating people around him. Simply because he wants their validation. An illusion title” vice president” can make most of his energy and time, his life. That’s how Myriam  uses volunteers. She ju...

Dear Keithie,   There will be no textbooks in the future, and more often than not, there will be no answers.  We need to start our own experiments in this world from a place where there are no similarities. You should look back and seek out your past experiences of venturing into the unknown, to let go of the guessing, judgment, thinking, verification, and action methods you learned there. No one can tear themselves apart from their past self and leap into tomorrow. Nor can anyone guarantee a leap into tomorrow simply by striving towards the future. To tell one’s true color  just do the fact check. Observation and reflection are hand in hand, and that is how I learned about the cruelty of true humanity.  Again, disrespect and sweet coating words all lead to cheating and snobbery calculation. That is not true value of life that our education system teaches us. Education is training people to be a good worker and neighbor.  You need to know how to get to...

 After his behavior of against my way to deal with Myriam, in fact, in this case, it was Meili. It shone the red light as alarm!  I take him my precious love and most important man in my life, and share with him smalls and bigs. And there are scenarios that I must tell him the ruthless facts. He appeared quietly listening to me, but I now realized that he suppressed himself to argue with me and simply kept quiet. He didn’t agree with me at all. In his heart he thinks that I am wrong even though at times he admitted that I was right.  The fact of his reactions to DDM’s very important persons is telling me that he just wants to get their validation desperately. He ignored my request and advice directly by silence which I mistakenly thought he agreed with me.  I didn’t notice his response by his body language. I didn’t even listen to his weak voice of defense.  He looked at his laptop or books instead of me while I was talking to him. That was not communication at ...

  Dear Keithie,  At this timing point when the Valentine’s Day is around the corner, bringing up this issue is not wisely given. But it is serious topic for discussion.  I rejected Myriam’s asking to come to the Saturday class at 1 o’clock because of the schedule tightened. Meili learned about that when she gave us a ride. I told her the trip costs us 1.5 hours but you said 1 o’clock was fine because your are free @11 not what I thought it was 11:30. Meili had raised suspicions after our argument.  Meili literally googled it since she has our address and Google told her it was 1 hour trip.  I told you that I will answer Myriam the schedule when we arrived and stayed at the tpl at Spadina. But you rushed to answer Meili that it was one hour before I said 70 minutes.  Meili’s job was “ audit” that you knew it better than I do. I was not surprised she did google how much time our trip was. But it was your actions surprising me.  Let’s not say we’re a coup...

 明顯地感覺到他對 Hue 的期待，而且全是喜悅；自從美莉師姐提起將會有一個配音的集會。他的「歡喜」持續了兩天。  然後，當我問起確切日期時，他反轉了情緒，說起她對他的敵意。甚至申述起，她不會原諒他犯錯，而他總是會原諒她。聽起來，他一直在期待她的原諒。  我問他，他從來沒有被「拒絕往來」過嗎？譬如他曾經帶回家的前女友？ 他說，他們分手後仍是朋友。 我卻完全不是這樣解讀的。  他大概忘記自己過去如何描述那段感情的。但我記得。 他現在全心全意都在盼望再次看到 Hue。等著可能的釋出善意，甚至復合。真是難以理解的愚蠢。 過去交往時我就知道，在深夜睡前我們的交談，他太忙於和她的聊天，所以敷衍著打字，久久才回一個字，然後就著急著說晚安。只是不知道那個人就是 Hue.  其實他一直都維持著對她的感情，可說是「任其擺佈」，要錢給錢，固定在深夜裡的聊天。我還知道，是她教他用 Line 顯示「兩人一起的合照」，我還記得，他圈選我的圖照和他一起，說要每天都在一起，那時我的感覺是「不可置信」；現在回想起來，我的直覺已經告訴我真相，但是我自己不願意面對。 我只想相信他的「話」：甜言蜜語那一種。 我還知道了，週日早上不曾是我們的約會時間，原來他是保留給她的週日禪修。因為她是週日的知客接待，他等著她那歡迎的致意。他那個特殊的揮手手式。 想起來，我一直是備胎。即使我們住在一起了，他也沒看見我的存在，不關心我的生活。他變得任性，不在意花錢。有一次他輕率的說要去吃新開幕的燒烤餐廳時，美莉師姐還很驚訝地說，他怎麼突然間這麼aggressive!?  我當然知道，如果能比較的話，我是他的最佳選擇：因為我最寵他，願意花錢在他身上，一直以來都是。 他不知道價值，送給他的禮物都是The Bay 的高檔貨，直到這家百貨公司倒閉！ 而有滿多的衣服和鞋子都不見他穿，而且都消失了。當然，他是轉送她的爸爸吧。 他不知道人的好壞。我不介意他不懂禮物的價值，但是他錯把無關的人當成重要的人物，使我驚心！ 對於利用他的人，他居然都當成重要的朋友！  他對於「名譽」，其實是虛名的重視程度尤其讓我震驚的失望。 他不懂他對她沒有對錯的討好，其實變成她的特權，從此對他予取予奪，不假辭色；所以，今天他的錯愕和痛苦，根本是他咎由自取的錯誤認知。 這是我自己此刻的覺醒！ 因...