Svaha

 Human nature tends towards compromise and moderation. Deep down, people are inclined to choose the seemingly smoothest, least turbulent path. Most people are instilled from childhood with the values ​​of generosity, maturity, and consideration for the greater good. Thus, they gradually become the people others expect of them, silently enduring exploitation, smoothing out their rough edges, and receiving a dismissive "How dignified this person is." Until one day you realize that those who always praised your maturity were precisely the ones who benefited most from it. So-called dignity is often just a pretty name for weakness. In the workplace, when you grow up and your colleagues push the hardest work onto you, your boss says, "The capable should do more." You accept it, and in return, you're told, "You have a broad perspective." But has the person who always praises your generosity shared anything with you? Has the person who always says you have a g...

 Another sleepless night, in fact it is 4:30a.m.  Since I was told that he bought a box of chocolate, I just can’t sleep at night. Instead I nap in the improper time.  Our marriage life has been weird. He spent most of his leisure time with books, of course he did go out with me, but still he arranged his time while I was working. He certainly had something hidden. I can’t help but imagine that he does have a secret life. This is not the first time he behaved so weird.  2023 was the terrible year, something still went on in the same way continuing to 2026!  My body has been deteriorating for aging, and the hurts of many falling downs. I have told him about my death. He seems not care about it, and even not really listen. And it came to my mind: he might wish I die sooner.  He leads a life as if he is alone. Closed his room his daytime is work and evening tutoring. I can see him only the meal time and he has not much to talk about.  Seriously though the...

 Monday:  1. Call PC Card customers service  2. Email him ( chocolate) 3. Email YWCA ( rent transaction) 4.TD, RBC & Scotia bank statements  5.get a sense of monthly cost  6. Password update  7. Print the trait of mindfulness ( email) * collect what needed info 

 have slept yet, it is 5:30 a.m. There are many things popped up in my brain, which kept me up.  Of course I am weak, aging has made its effect: to opposite to the real life, I led a very busy daily routine, while in fact I might have been retired as normal people. It is myself make my life difficult. Most of my friends discouraged my new life, only one excepted who is a male. Like Roald Dhah, beginning to analysing the two genders portions on the ghost writing. Why all female consider marriage is tiresome and hardship while male enjoying? It is laboring job in general as a homemaker. Nonstop cleaning and sorting. These are easy ones. The most frustration is cooking. Quite time consuming but little appreciation.  There is a signal that I might jump to a self-deceiving dream. I can only make it right. 

 Felt bad, that he answered my request for sleeping with him when I was not able to sleep. He said only if I can’t sleep.  I always consider his needs as priorities. Sadly it is never vice versa.  Can’t stop thinking what if I am sick, does he take care of me? I have friends in Toronto but since I moved in with him, I hardly made time for them. This could leave me with no friends at the end. It’s not say that I need one to take care of me, but that is the true signs of true love.  Questioning myself: Do I despair or not?  I certainly do quite well with my own life. The only uncertainty is him, as we didn’t get married. He has been building/collecting females for backups. This is nonsense. I understand the humaneness of nature but it is cruel, not as imaginative as ideal. He doesn’t understand what human nature is. He is a dreamer in a word world. He doesn’t think of life, daily true life.  Relationship takes a lot of time. Even family.  I’m hoping that...