Notes

 Human nature tends towards compromise and moderation. Deep down, people are inclined to choose the seemingly smoothest, least turbulent path.

Most people are instilled from childhood with the values ​​of generosity, maturity, and consideration for the greater good. Thus, they gradually become the people others expect of them, silently enduring exploitation, smoothing out their rough edges, and receiving a dismissive "How dignified this person is."

Until one day you realize that those who always praised your maturity were precisely the ones who benefited most from it.

So-called dignity is often just a pretty name for weakness. In the workplace, when you grow up and your colleagues push the hardest work onto you, your boss says, "The capable should do more." You accept it, and in return, you're told, "You have a broad perspective."

But has the person who always praises your generosity shared anything with you? Has the person who always says you have a good temper ever been kind to you when they get angry? They're not praising you for who you are, but for the benefits you can bring them.

Protecting your own interests is not shameful at all. The "ugly" display of resolve to uphold your bottom line is actually a burst of vitality.

It shows you have the courage and confidence to not allow others to trample on your boundaries. The balance of any relationship begins with an unpleasant refusal. If you don't set rules, others will impose theirs on you. Don't be afraid to make a scene, because some things should have been done long ago.

A simple method: be upfront about the unpleasant aspects, the sooner the better.

Humans are naturally inclined to crave affection and recognition. A smile from someone makes you feel it's all worthwhile; a nod from someone makes you willing to take a step back.

But for every step you take back, someone else takes a step forward. Only when you're backed into a corner do you realize that those who praised you are actually trampling on your territory.

Don't say "suffering a loss is a blessing." A loss is a loss; blessings are earned, not endured. The goodwill you gain through swallowing your pride is like a paper house, collapsing in the wind. When it really comes down to it, those who praised you will run away faster than anyone else.

So what to do?

Next time someone praises you for being "sensible," don't get excited immediately. Think about why they need you to be sensible. Once you understand that, you'll know what to do.

Be stingy when necessary, and be assertive when necessary.

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