Eroded trust

 Dear Keithie, 

At this timing point when the Valentine’s Day is around the corner, bringing up this issue is not wisely given. But it is serious topic for discussion. 

I rejected Myriam’s asking to come to the Saturday class at 1 o’clock because of the schedule tightened. Meili learned about that when she gave us a ride. I told her the trip costs us 1.5 hours but you said 1 o’clock was fine because your are free @11 not what I thought it was 11:30. Meili had raised suspicions after our argument. 

Meili literally googled it since she has our address and Google told her it was 1 hour trip. 

I told you that I will answer Myriam the schedule when we arrived and stayed at the tpl at Spadina. But you rushed to answer Meili that it was one hour before I said 70 minutes. 

Meili’s job was “audit” that you knew it better than I do. I was not surprised she did google how much time our trip was. But it was your actions surprising me. 

Let’s not say we’re a couple but a team. Your behavior was stabbing me in my back for just proving yourself right. 

First of all, we have discussed this in advance but you still wanted to be the one correct and right, not mentioning that I did ask you that I will answer this question. You didn’t reject my request at the time. 

You of course can do so. And I realized why you don’t have friends. You don’t act as a teammate or friend. Rather to evidence your smartness. 

This in fact is a signal that you have low self esteem and are eager to impress others. 

Not a single example it appeared. You want people recognize you for sure. This is not wrongful doing. It’s just not a right case of teamwork, not as a friend or couple will do. You take yourself prior to the team. 

At this point, I knew you certainly can take care of yourself. 

You surely can squeeze yourself to please those who you consider as important persons while I even told you that you didn’t give you the time tolerance of traffic conditions. But good luck always to you. 

Living together for me is quite a long time of learning journey of you. 

I tend to make the wrong decisions right as I told you. Again, I am not sure how much time I can give you to be matured and protect yourself from the manipulators. 

You want DDM badly which is not wrong. But the desperations are. 

I don’t think that there are good friends with you who have pointed out about rightness. As your long time girlfriend and now a wife, I just found out about your low esteem issue which drove you to wrongness. 

Basically you don’t think how you could be wrong unless at work there’s black and white clearly.

I am just not sure when you defended your “friends” such as Anne and Hue because you did consider them friends, or just to protect yourself from wrong opinions about them. 

You were angry and said loud, more like warning me that I would end up spend my rest of life to complain and lawsuits against others. 

You have every right to fight any one who has different views on dealing with such issues. And I wish you success. 

But in the real world, I don’t expect I can get lucky with it. I paid the tuition fee for the life lessons already, a lot. I even made jokes about it: I was very rich. But I let go, instead, I worked very hard and saved up for my retirement. I don’t need to fight for the grand fortune because I believe I can start over and stand on my own feet. 

And I need to correct my previous saying that both of us don’t ask for others, the truth is you need validation from others. 

As your long time friend, I suggest you do not live in that way, or you are the prisoner of these people who you seek to their friendships. 

As your wife, I am worried that both of us will suffer from your behavior thus results. 

Again, I made wrong decisions but I do very hard to make it right, so don’t make me disappointed or rather make me confess to my wrong choice of you.

Relationships are subtle and vulnerable, to the worst extent of complexity of human nature.  I want to say this to you and remind you do not experiment with the other people but rather practice protection ( pardon my pun trying) 

And I wish you luck.