Svaha

 I fought back in public, even it was ugly. Myriam asked me lower voice, I didn't. I have enough her abuse. No one understood my situation. I didn't say a lot, or detail. But they must have known that I was furious.  Whatever her intension was, or has been to, that she is evil stands correct.  She has making me small since the very first meeting. She set up more two admins as my supervisors, and the meeting just didn't ask me, or to be exact, according to Nancy, Myriam didn't want to invite me to the meeting while I was just there, outside the door. All the meeting material came from me. I should have known Myriam simply wanted me invisible but did all the laboring work.  I now understood her real face and mind. Once she dares to speak to me, I won't respond at all. The very final, if she says more mean words, I would prepare myself to fight back. I surely remember she told me that how she made her supervisor cried. Sha has the patient to find faults to hurt her ene...

 Love could be slowed down, even fade as time goes by. It is sad, but I now am through ~ it began when I talked him about being humiliated in public, and he was talked about Buddhism story; of course he meant to inspire me by it. In fact it didn't work out as his intension at the end. I felt heavy and sad when I am alone and looked inwards my feeling afterward. All of sudden, I found he might not be the one I love.  If he can't give me the sympathy or even feel my anger and sadness, am I still loving him? This question popped up and didn't go away.

 still struggling with my worries about what if he thinks, is and does. I suggested that he cancels his Mandarin class and saves the tuition for Janus's daughter's medical fee. He certainly replied to me with diplomatic manners that he will take it into a consideration.  He only asked me whether I will go fund her. I understand what his attitude towards to, as his standard manners. Yes, I agree with this way to take or continue the discussion. In fact it is rather a smart way. I cannot donate money to her since my income is far short of the rent, not mention our monthly food cost. That I take his monthly tuition into the sponsorship funds is a wrong suggestion I realized.  The worst scenario I can come up is he will pay for two of above at the same time. I suddenly understood that I didn't explain at his needs properly. Communication is how the relationship will be. Or vice versa. I am terrible at such. But how I can fix it?

 Constantly felt tired and lacked of sleep. Every weekend has been tiresome, and my Sunday night and Monday the whole day are the worst time. I just want to sleep.  Missed the stop of Bloor and Yonge for nine stops, I spent more than 30 minutes to get back to the right stop, and ended up missing YRT bus #5; the worst part is, after 9:30 p.m. the frequency of YRT buses is 16- 30 minutes, so I turned to TTC bus #53, and got off @ Steeles, checking the next YRT bus schedule, I needed to pay another ticket, therefore, I began to walk home. It was late, no passengers on sidewalk, and I became nervous, walked fast even faster when I met a man smoke on the same direction.  In fact I did struggle if call him to pick me up, accompany me the last 15 minutes walk home. But why bother? when he comes, I must have come home already. We are just opposite personality: I tend to be rush while he walks a way like wonder.  The quick solution is, no more WeChat short films at subway tra...

   6 Habits That Slowly Kill Your Self-Respect 1. Staying Quiet When You Are Hurt When you keep your pain inside just to avoid conflict, you are hurting yourself more than helping anyone. 2. Saying Yes When You Want to Say No Agreeing to things you do not want to do makes you feel used and weak inside. 3. Trying to Make Everyone Like You The more you try to please others, the more you forget who you are. 4. Going Against What You Believe If you act in ways that go against your values, you will feel like a stranger to yourself. 5. Hiding Your True Self to Fit In Trying to blend in by making yourself smaller does not help you or anyone else. It just makes you feel unseen. 6. Letting People Treat You Badly Without Saying Anything If you do not stand up for yourself, people will not respect you. And soon, you will stop respecting yourself too.

 Felt very bad when I saw him react to my criticize the book " The good and the nice ". He obviously considers he wants to be a saint and treat every woman the same scale of kindness, or rather the same relationship. That is a total mask that he tend to put on his face.  It is not a real thing at all. He either is with open relationship or is not a realistic human being. I wonder how he could be after he read so many books, include fiction and non fiction, even many theories upon the feelings and thoughts. I told him very straightforward : after he has been through various relationships, he must have learned something of human being, not just lives in his own dream, or imagination.  I told him to do an experiment : to tell his female friends that he has a wife/partner, and see if these so called female friends still spend the same time and the same attitude towards him. And vice versa.  To make it concise and shortest result, or a cruel truth: everyone has limited ti...

 Little by little, moved in more and more, and came to the point that I hardly can live in Y. More officially I live in #7378. Yes, there have been moments that I questioned myself, to give up such a great rent and live the way no burdens. There are always pros and cons. Love conquers all, though. There are certain things that he didn't mention and won't say anyway. He focuses on his business or more his life, occasionally listens to me absent- minded. And I realized that I need to deal all things on my own. He doesn't even like to go to LifeLabs with me, but why? I decided to do the check ASAP because I found myself physically tiresome very shorter than before. And he only cares himself, hardly takes me into consideration. Is it fair to say that he is so self-centre? or simply selfish?  I need to take this seriously, and have a better understanding about the mutual life. That is to say even though we live together, I shall be independent even more than I was alone. I used ...