Little by little, moved in more and more, and came to the point that I hardly can live in Y. More officially I live in #7378. Yes, there have been moments that I questioned myself, to give up such a great rent and live the way no burdens. There are always pros and cons. Love conquers all, though.

There are certain things that he didn't mention and won't say anyway. He focuses on his business or more his life, occasionally listens to me absent- minded. And I realized that I need to deal all things on my own. He doesn't even like to go to LifeLabs with me, but why? I decided to do the check ASAP because I found myself physically tiresome very shorter than before. And he only cares himself, hardly takes me into consideration. Is it fair to say that he is so self-centre? or simply selfish? 

I need to take this seriously, and have a better understanding about the mutual life. That is to say even though we live together, I shall be independent even more than I was alone. I used to have friends to ask for favors, but now I have a husband, how I can keep asking others? This is the tricky part of my new life. Living cost has been arisen, but I refused to deal with it. Maybe I will die before I use up my cash, sounds so much better. I would never know if my last day comes, it comes without notice. 

But what's good I wrote down all my worries? 

When it comes up the question " life's meaning", recently my old friend asked me, I did think it over, and replied that only the self can id the meaning for. So, only can the self be satisfied while one does one's own good, and is happy with it. I love him and take care of him naturally, however, in his mind, or even physically he seldom or even never hugged me voluntarily. Is he really so not into me ? Or he just simply doesn't like physically touch / even close to me? Time will tell. 

I hope I can figure it out soon, at least before I close my eyes forever.