Another sleepless night, in fact it is 4:30a.m. 

Since I was told that he bought a box of chocolate, I just can’t sleep at night. Instead I nap in the improper time. 

Our marriage life has been weird. He spent most of his leisure time with books, of course he did go out with me, but still he arranged his time while I was working. He certainly had something hidden. I can’t help but imagine that he does have a secret life. This is not the first time he behaved so weird. 

2023 was the terrible year, something still went on in the same way continuing to 2026! 

My body has been deteriorating for aging, and the hurts of many falling downs. I have told him about my death. He seems not care about it, and even not really listen. And it came to my mind: he might wish I die sooner. 

He leads a life as if he is alone. Closed his room his daytime is work and evening tutoring. I can see him only the meal time and he has not much to talk about. 

Seriously though these eight months, we have been together less time than I thought. 

Asking myself if this is what I want, the answer is not a happy one. What else I can do? What exactly I wanted? 

I didn’t really take action of my to-do list, mainly because I was tired. Which he didn’t know about. I did have the urge to tell him that I want to sleep earlier but I want to kiss him good night too. The time I felt sleepy is his pleasure reading. To me, it is the end of the day for rest. 

How I can manage it? 

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