Worries

 He finally took me to York University, his school where he made his own choices. 

But I can tell he was not himself at all, not only absent minded, but deeper “ doesn’t matter “, isolated from me with his body language. 

He acted a way like extremely immature: all is bad. 

His main issue I can tell is desperate to get validation from others, whoever. Even those who made money off him! I never heard of anyone who delivered $ eagerly to the people who made $ off him! And they became giants of blood suckers. 

I love him so much but he didn’t know why, and didn’t cherish me at all. He certainly is a good man, pure soul and kind hearted. He was lucky enough that he had no much experience with big bad guys in schools and workplaces. He didn’t know how complicated and calculating people around him. Simply because he wants their validation. An illusion title” vice president” can make most of his energy and time, his life. That’s how Myriam  uses volunteers. She just doesn’t care about those simple souls. 

He IS even didn’t want to listen to my plan. 

Compare depression, he didn’t even know how I felt about him, his behaviour since we moved in together. 

The anniversary is coming, he of course didn’t mind it. 

He didn’t know how frustrated I was seeing him stirring the meal with fork and left a lot!  He didn’t know how shame I was to bring up that he has no desire to make love to me. He ignore my messages, even the email that I brought up serious issues that we encountered. 

He didn’t have an attitude to discuss and solve the problems. Laziness is one way to deal with, but it is the attitude that he doesn’t pay attention to. I just can’t make him to care about me. 

I saw him rather enjoying Myriam’s manners toward him. And I was hopeless. I did really consider to move back to Y. In a true relationship he didn’t see my efforts, not even see me and with me. I had to “suggest” a plan for our outing, or he just read and write in front of the computer, didn’t listen to me, talked to me. 

I start thinking his manner is an expression of rejecting me. He simply loves to take the sugar coating words from Myriam, fell to her mind game to torture me. 

Do I have to take these? No, I can live a good life on my own. It’s DDM needs volunteers, but in this rude and calculating way?  He definitely naive and ignorant. He is the one who is sold but counting the money for whom who sold him. 

He is tired of my nagging, but never take what I found out from the truth. He won’t learn from my experiences if he doesn’t want to learn. Just like I can’t wake one up  whom pretends sleep. 

He tends to hide behind books. He refuses to grow up. 

I asked myself if he wants to be a husband, a family man? 

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