I perceived that he still am interested in HuiLing’s, he cares her likes and dislikes when I talked about her. 

His reaction was not normal, but very much immediately asked for more of her situations. This was not what he said he had no romantic feelings towards her, at all. 

I am getting older, I must think that he needs someone to take care of him after I die. 

He very clearly has no interest whatsoever my situation is. His selfishness is a good thing and I should not worry too much since he certainly does take care of himself. But a bad quality life style. And I believe he would look for women because he knows women can serve him well. And there are always women in DDM. I shouldn’t worry too much. And the bottom line is Ashley who is his niece. 

I have a feeling that he is expecting HuiLing’s. I have asked Sarah to keep her around. As long as she is around DDM, eventually I can find out if he is really into her, and help out. I need to arrange the rest of my life. Ironically I don’t leave the poisoned place of DDM, but help him to stay. My concerns of him is all over my mind and makes me weak to make right decisions. He doesn’t know how ugly the human being is, his ignorance is beyond my understanding. Such a smart man but with no sense of real life. Reading somehow clouds his eyes, in every way. 

Planning to show him on daily things, at very least he can do hygiene and avoid the virus and mold issues. I don’t think he can maintain our home. Well, inevitably he would fall into the trap 🪤, but he has his karma, what else I can do for him? I have spent 12 years with him, and what else can I do? Especially I don’t have much time ahead. So weak and hopeless 

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