Time flies, I am more closer to my death end. 

In bed listening to an English program, when the alarm reminded me to get up, I suddenly decided to buy a takeout for his lunch. I knew whatever I cook, the  most part of it  will be left to the garbage. The very hard time is watching his playing with the food on his plate, it seems to me that he has no interesting to eat. 

I need some break anyway. I knew he wants changes of food, but there are hardly new trick I can make. And now I prepare some roots of vegetable, and he can steam as he wishes. And I don't want to buy wrong material, even tomato sauces. Quite easy, I took photos and asked his confirmation. 

Very clear, he has so different appetite. I need to find a way to satisfy his stomach and the mean time don't squeeze myself. Maybe it was what I did this morning. 

What death would be like? Of course I love him and don't want to leave him, but I knew I am closer to my last day in the world. Before it, what I can do for myself? At very least I should not try to please everyone, especially DDM. I have devoted so much time, energy and even $. It is time to pause and see what is better for me. I must put myself as the first. Always. 

As time went by, I learned more of him, and I still stay correct, he needs so much time to get used to me around him since he has been on his own for half of his life. What I can do? 

Learned that the hearing is the last organ to leave my body,  I should ask him to tell me what he wants to tell me when I am at the last breath. 

Working for SAS almost ten years, looking around this familiar surrounding, imaging the day I will submit my quit letter! 

There are so many persons that I cherish, especially my new family members. I should let him know how grateful I am that he brings me his become mine as well! 

To be stronger, I need to set a plan to keep exercise as routine. Or I can only have few chances and time to be with my new family. All of sudden, I want to live longer. 



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